He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
