she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
