Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
