I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
