the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
