i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
