friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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