oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
