never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
