When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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