Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
