Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
