Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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