i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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