You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
