dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
