and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
