I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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