Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
