well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
