I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
