why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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