its not stalking. its research.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
