i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
