So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
