He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
