We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Randomize
