I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
