its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
