my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
