I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize