everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
