Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize