wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
