You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
