He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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