Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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