if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
