Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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