I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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