can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
