So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
