Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
two words...techno handjob
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
