She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
