My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
