I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
