a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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