dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
