He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
