The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
