It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
