I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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