margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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