I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
