I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize