he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
