I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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