Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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