Duck Duck Cougar?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
