this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
