I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
