I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
