The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
