so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
