I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
