The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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