I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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