i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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