Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
birth control should be required to get into college
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
