i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
