So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
