I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
