Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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