if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
