Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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