i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
