cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
