Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize