Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
