I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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