i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
