there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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