Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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